Pregnancy Loss You are not alone. There are many who have lost their child due to miscarriage, stillbirth, etc. Not many consider you to be Mothers/Fathers but you are Mothers/Fathers. Through blood, sweat and many tears you/loved one gave birth to your child. You are strong. Even though you're young, your heart is your heart and it feels just like everyone else.
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"The light of a distant star continues to reach the Earth long after
the star itself is gone." ~Author Unknown What was the worst thing someone said after your loss? "Everytime someone mentioned babies - no one knew" What did you find the most helpful after your loss? "the fact that no one knew, helped me try and stay normal" Answered by Anonymous. |
Loss at 16...
Dear Teen Mothers Together,
My name is Kirstee. I am the founder of a website called Remembering Angels( www.rememberingangels.weebly.com). I suffered the loss of son at 16yrs old, then went on to marry my soulmate and have 2 more children and have a miscarriage at 14 weeks. Below you find my story. Before you read it know that I was distraught when I wrote it and thatit will make you cry. Also know that I am available to talk at anytime for any one. Thanks for reading my story.
I used to be normal. I was the same as everyone else in many ways. I went to school, did homework, and argued with my parents. Sounds like a normal kid, right? A lot of things in my life were not normal. Being the child of several divorced parents, I was a train wreck waiting to happen. At the age of 16, I got pregnant. Pregnancy isn’t something a child should go through, but I did. At 16 I also fought for the right to keep the child and learned what loss really was. I grew up quick, and it was my own fault. Being young and stupid, I tried things that were supposed to be “cool”. I was so off the mark of being cool though. I was headed in a downward spiral that no one could save me from.I tried drinking. I tried drugs. I even tried sex. All of these decisions were bad ones. If I could take them back, I would. I got pregnant the very first time I had sex. The baby’s father was a man 9 years older than me. Needless to say, I was on my own from the moment that second line showed up. I felt like I was losing my mind and to an extent, I was. I had no clue how I was to tell my friends, much less my parents. I knew at that moment that I had screwed up my entire future. After a while, I told my family. They were disappointed in me. I was disappointed in me.I had no idea what to do. My father brought up the ideas of abortion and adoption. I said no. I wanted this baby, even if no one else did. He threatened to have the baby taken from me. It turned in to a huge fight. I eventually wore him down; he agreed to let me keep the baby. It wasn’t the end of the fight in my house though. We continued to fight every single day for the next 7 months. It was my baby. I was determined to make the decisions for my baby. Those seven months went by quickly. Finally, I was 2 weeks from my due date.The nursery was ready. Everything was washed and put away. I was ready. I went to my weekly check-up like I did every week. This time was different. The doctor and I were laughing and carrying on. She said something to the effect of “let’s here that little man’s heartbeat” and started to run the portable radar over my stomach. Nothing. There was no sound. She ordered a ultrasound. She said the baby was just turned around, and we couldn’t hear him. I knew though. I knew he was gone. I went out to the lobby and waited. I waited for what seemed like eternity. Eventually, they called me back. They did an ultrasound. It confirmed the tragedy I had known all along; my son was gone.The doctor called me to her office. She tried to be sympathetic. It was a weak attempt. Nothing she could have said could have made me feel better. He was gone. Nothing would bring him back. She laid out my options; there were only 2. I could either be induced or wait until my body naturally went into labor. I chose the first option. It seemed less cruel. At 2pm, I was put into the hospital. By 2:47am, my son was born silently into the world. All in all I think I am doing okay for someone who has lost a child. I was young and stupid. I got pregnant. That alone was hard, but to lose a child at 16 was harder. I still have days when it hurts a lot. I have other days when it feels like a dream. Either way it happened. I lost my son, Scout, on September 12, 2006. That day has forever changed me. I am not the same stupid girl who liked to party and get in trouble. I am a more responsible person. I know that this tragedy will better me, and that maybe one day, I can help someone else who finds themselves in my position.
~Kirstee, 21yrs old
My name is Kirstee. I am the founder of a website called Remembering Angels( www.rememberingangels.weebly.com). I suffered the loss of son at 16yrs old, then went on to marry my soulmate and have 2 more children and have a miscarriage at 14 weeks. Below you find my story. Before you read it know that I was distraught when I wrote it and thatit will make you cry. Also know that I am available to talk at anytime for any one. Thanks for reading my story.
I used to be normal. I was the same as everyone else in many ways. I went to school, did homework, and argued with my parents. Sounds like a normal kid, right? A lot of things in my life were not normal. Being the child of several divorced parents, I was a train wreck waiting to happen. At the age of 16, I got pregnant. Pregnancy isn’t something a child should go through, but I did. At 16 I also fought for the right to keep the child and learned what loss really was. I grew up quick, and it was my own fault. Being young and stupid, I tried things that were supposed to be “cool”. I was so off the mark of being cool though. I was headed in a downward spiral that no one could save me from.I tried drinking. I tried drugs. I even tried sex. All of these decisions were bad ones. If I could take them back, I would. I got pregnant the very first time I had sex. The baby’s father was a man 9 years older than me. Needless to say, I was on my own from the moment that second line showed up. I felt like I was losing my mind and to an extent, I was. I had no clue how I was to tell my friends, much less my parents. I knew at that moment that I had screwed up my entire future. After a while, I told my family. They were disappointed in me. I was disappointed in me.I had no idea what to do. My father brought up the ideas of abortion and adoption. I said no. I wanted this baby, even if no one else did. He threatened to have the baby taken from me. It turned in to a huge fight. I eventually wore him down; he agreed to let me keep the baby. It wasn’t the end of the fight in my house though. We continued to fight every single day for the next 7 months. It was my baby. I was determined to make the decisions for my baby. Those seven months went by quickly. Finally, I was 2 weeks from my due date.The nursery was ready. Everything was washed and put away. I was ready. I went to my weekly check-up like I did every week. This time was different. The doctor and I were laughing and carrying on. She said something to the effect of “let’s here that little man’s heartbeat” and started to run the portable radar over my stomach. Nothing. There was no sound. She ordered a ultrasound. She said the baby was just turned around, and we couldn’t hear him. I knew though. I knew he was gone. I went out to the lobby and waited. I waited for what seemed like eternity. Eventually, they called me back. They did an ultrasound. It confirmed the tragedy I had known all along; my son was gone.The doctor called me to her office. She tried to be sympathetic. It was a weak attempt. Nothing she could have said could have made me feel better. He was gone. Nothing would bring him back. She laid out my options; there were only 2. I could either be induced or wait until my body naturally went into labor. I chose the first option. It seemed less cruel. At 2pm, I was put into the hospital. By 2:47am, my son was born silently into the world. All in all I think I am doing okay for someone who has lost a child. I was young and stupid. I got pregnant. That alone was hard, but to lose a child at 16 was harder. I still have days when it hurts a lot. I have other days when it feels like a dream. Either way it happened. I lost my son, Scout, on September 12, 2006. That day has forever changed me. I am not the same stupid girl who liked to party and get in trouble. I am a more responsible person. I know that this tragedy will better me, and that maybe one day, I can help someone else who finds themselves in my position.
~Kirstee, 21yrs old
Miscarriage
Spontaneous abortion (SAB), or miscarriage, is the term used for a pregnancy that ends on it's own, within the first 20 weeks of gestation. Most miscarriages occur during the first 13 weeks of pregnancy. The reason for miscarriage is varied, and most often the cause cannot be identified.
Signs of miscarriage:
Some causes for miscarriage include (but are not limited to):
Spontaneous abortion (SAB), or miscarriage, is the term used for a pregnancy that ends on it's own, within the first 20 weeks of gestation. Most miscarriages occur during the first 13 weeks of pregnancy. The reason for miscarriage is varied, and most often the cause cannot be identified.
Signs of miscarriage:
- Vaginal bleeding that may be light or heavy, constant or irregular. Although bleeding is often the first sign of a miscarriage, first-trimester bleeding may also occur with a normal pregnancy. But bleeding with pain is a sign that miscarriage is more likely.
- Pain. You may have pelvic cramps, abdominal pain, or a persistent, dull ache in your lower back. Pain may start a few hours to several days after bleeding has begun.
- Blood clots or grayish (fetal) tissue passing from the vagina.
Some causes for miscarriage include (but are not limited to):
- Hormonal problems, infections or maternal health problems
- Lifestyle (i.e. smoking, drug use, malnutrition, excessive caffeine and exposure to radiation or toxic substances)
- Implantation of the egg into the uterine lining does not occur properly
- Maternal age
- Maternal trauma
Threatened Miscarriage: Some degree of early pregnancy uterine bleeding accompanied by cramping or lower backache. The cervix remains closed. This bleeding is often the result of implantation.
Inevitable or Incomplete Miscarriage: Abdominal or back pain accompanied by bleeding with an open cervix. Miscarriage is inevitable when there is a dilation or effacement of the cervix and/or there is rupture of the membranes. Bleeding and cramps may persist if the miscarriage is not complete.
Complete Miscarriage: A completed miscarriage is when the embryo or products of conception have emptied out of the uterus. Bleeding should subside quickly, as should any pain or cramping. A completed miscarriage can be confirmed by an ultrasound or by having a surgical curettage performed.
Missed Miscarriage: Women can experience a miscarriage without knowing it. A missed miscarriage is when embryonic death has occurred but there is not any expulsion of the embryo. It is not known why this occurs. Signs of this would be a loss of pregnancy symptoms and the absence of fetal heart tones found on an ultrasound.
Blighted Ovum: A fertilized egg implants into the uterine wall, but fetal development never begins. Often there is a gestational sac with or without a yolk sac, but there is an absence of fetal growth.
Ectopic Pregnancy: A fertilized egg implants itself in places other than the uterus, most commonly the fallopian tube. Treatment is needed immediately to stop the development of the implanted egg. If not treated rapidly, this could end in serious maternal complications.
Molar Pregnancy: The result of a genetic error during the fertilization process that leads to growth of abnormal tissue within the uterus. Molar pregnancies rarely involve a developing embryo, but often entail the most common symptoms of pregnancy including a missed period, positive pregnancy test and severe nausea.
Inevitable or Incomplete Miscarriage: Abdominal or back pain accompanied by bleeding with an open cervix. Miscarriage is inevitable when there is a dilation or effacement of the cervix and/or there is rupture of the membranes. Bleeding and cramps may persist if the miscarriage is not complete.
Complete Miscarriage: A completed miscarriage is when the embryo or products of conception have emptied out of the uterus. Bleeding should subside quickly, as should any pain or cramping. A completed miscarriage can be confirmed by an ultrasound or by having a surgical curettage performed.
Missed Miscarriage: Women can experience a miscarriage without knowing it. A missed miscarriage is when embryonic death has occurred but there is not any expulsion of the embryo. It is not known why this occurs. Signs of this would be a loss of pregnancy symptoms and the absence of fetal heart tones found on an ultrasound.
Blighted Ovum: A fertilized egg implants into the uterine wall, but fetal development never begins. Often there is a gestational sac with or without a yolk sac, but there is an absence of fetal growth.
Ectopic Pregnancy: A fertilized egg implants itself in places other than the uterus, most commonly the fallopian tube. Treatment is needed immediately to stop the development of the implanted egg. If not treated rapidly, this could end in serious maternal complications.
Molar Pregnancy: The result of a genetic error during the fertilization process that leads to growth of abnormal tissue within the uterus. Molar pregnancies rarely involve a developing embryo, but often entail the most common symptoms of pregnancy including a missed period, positive pregnancy test and severe nausea.
Still Birth
When fetal death occurs after 20 weeks of pregnancy, it is called stillbirth.Most stillbirths occur before labor begins. The pregnant woman may suspect that something is wrong if the fetus suddenly stops moving around and kicking. A small number of stillbirths occur during labor and delivery.
Some cause of stillbirth:
~Birth Defects
~Placental Problems
~Poor Fetal Growth
~Infections
Some cause of stillbirth:
~Birth Defects
~Placental Problems
~Poor Fetal Growth
~Infections
Sudden Infant Death Syndrome(SIDS)
SIDS is decribed as the sudden death of any infant under the age of one. It is also one of the leading causes of death of infants from one month to one years old in the United States. SIDS is a diagnosis of exclusion, given only after all known and possible causes of death have been ruled out.
Facts:
- It is not caused by child abuse or neglect
- It is not caused by "baby shots"
- It is not contagious
- It is not caused by suffocation, choking, or smothering
- It is not predictable.
- Claims 2,500 infants every year in the U.S.
See http://www.cjsids.org/ for more information.
Facts:
- It is not caused by child abuse or neglect
- It is not caused by "baby shots"
- It is not contagious
- It is not caused by suffocation, choking, or smothering
- It is not predictable.
- Claims 2,500 infants every year in the U.S.
See http://www.cjsids.org/ for more information.
Abortion
I am including this in the pregnancy loss section because it does cause grief. Some women may not want an abortion but figure it's the best option considering genetic problems, etc. Sometimes even parents tell their teens it's their only option and they believe them. Maybe rape was an issue and you didnt want to carry the pregnancy to term. Ectopic pregnancy may have been the issue. No matter the reason, it still hurts to think about. Even if the choice was made, it still cause pain. That was your child.
Abortion: Termination of pregnancy up to 12 weeks(24weeks, depending on state law).
Abortion: Termination of pregnancy up to 12 weeks(24weeks, depending on state law).