For the first time today, I said it with out crying...knowing deep down I wanted to. I told someone I didnt expect myself to tell. It's a secret from most and parts of it I am not proud of. But I love my babies to death. Not many will understand and some will think its stupid but I get it. I understand. I care. I want to make a difference. And I will.

"I saw my Angel for the first time today, strong. I am proud to be her mother.
She is truly a miracle..." ~Anonymous. I will post the story behind it in a blog post later but I want to discuss this quote. Like what do you get from it? What do you think its saying? etc. Just post a comment and let me know what you think.

The want for a child is a hard thing to deal with when you're young. I've been going through it since I lost my son and its about now that I don't know how to handle it anymore. I am 18 and I want a child, I want a family. That feeling is through the roof for me. And I don't know what to do.

Some people make losing your child seem like some sort of disease or flu. It's
not something that in a few days, I'm going to be okay. I'm going to feel much
better. I know I am strong, people say it all the time because I hold myself
together. I get through the day like nothing happened and everythings fine. But
on the inside I am dying and screaming my heart out for some peace, for my
child, for just one day. When a girl says "I'm okay" or gives a sarcastic "I'm awseome"
It's always more to it. But go ahead, pretend everythings okay because you know
what? I'll tell you everythings okay.

Raven had her baby girl a couple days ago! You have read her story from when she found out until now. So I'm so happy for her. Another friend of mind had her baby girl on the same day so congrates to both of them and good luck on their journey into motherhood!!!!

Today, as I am writing this...I'm crying my eyes out. It hurts like hell and I miss them so much...

Happy New Year to all!!! 2012 is a bgig yr for me. I'm graduating high school!!! So exciting but my news years resolution is to finish writing my book. Which I'm working on two seperate books so this should be fun. One is for teens who have experienced pregnany/child loss and the other is just for fun, a love story sort of thing. My friend convince I should write a book because of my poetic way of writing what I feel and my heart put it into a love story that teaches you about love and heart break so that's a challenge because I know heart break first hand. The book for teens is even harder for me because I am struggling to put my thoughts on paper. It's still a hard subject for me at times, especially this time of the yr. Yet, I'm determined and it's going to get done along with college apps and my portfolio for design school. I hope everyone had an awesome New Years Eve until the countdown to New Year. Remember only you can complete you news years resolution so stay determined, stay strong, and don't let others fool you!

Hope everyone enjoys their last day of this year. Happy New Year to all! It been a crazy year for me. A lot of ups and downs but some great accomplishments came out of some of those downs. I found my new goal, created this website and hope to change many lives. The new is going to bring some new projects for me, along with hoping to do more with the site and finish my book. Maybe even get it published in 2013. But I have some important people in my life behind me in my endeavors. Wish me luck! Good luck to all in the new year and hope it's amazing for everyone!

Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! I hope today is great for everyone. I may not have gotten anythig under my tree this morning but I'm happy I got to wake up and spend it with my family :)

Merry Christmas Babies!!! I love you soo much!!! I hope Grandma and Uncle is taking good care of you up there. Enjoy your first Christmas!! Mommy misses and loves you everyday and I wish I could spend today with you!!! R.I.P Babies, Grandma, and Uncle Rod <3

So my winter break is finally here. I been busy with school and musical theater. But over break i'ma try to post and update lots of things.
It is winter break meaning christmas is in a week, not even. It's kind of hard because it would of been my babies first christmas and I miss them soo much. But I'm trying to hang in there and big strong even though I just would love to sulk around for a few days. I wish my babies could be here. People ask what I want for christmas and they can't get me what I want. All I want is to hold my babies in my arm on christmas...